Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
