before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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