Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
