Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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