HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
