Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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