highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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