Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
