i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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