Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
