So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
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thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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