the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
