If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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