Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
As shirtless as possible
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I forgot wine drunk hurts
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
