When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
