If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
