Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
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