He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
