P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize
