I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
