i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
