I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
