Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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