i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
