3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
