she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
