Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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