from now on my penis is your penis
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
