theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
