"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize