Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
