is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
