it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
