I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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