He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
