I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
