I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
