I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Too much gin, very little bucket
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
