worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
he laminated a picture of his dick.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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