Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
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You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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