and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
