I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
