I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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