He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
