Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
