Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
