sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
