every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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