maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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