I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
