i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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