Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
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We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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