if only i could text you this smell
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
