How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
