Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
