I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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