omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
