Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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