he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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