The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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