this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i used baking grease as lip gloss
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
