if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina