I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha