I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
