It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea