now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
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i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
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Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.