Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.