Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
be right there i have to get my cape
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
