Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
