i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
