haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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