I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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