god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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