Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
