I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
